Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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