Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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