Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
