Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.