If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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