if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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