i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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