I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
