You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
