I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize