Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This is my gift to your gina
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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