the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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