there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
