yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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