There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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