She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The power of my boobs compel you
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
