Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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