U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
