Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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