I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
