Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
