Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
