Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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