Someone shit on the floor
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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