When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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