Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
one might say we're banned from that church
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
