is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
