Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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