What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
