Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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