I think scott just propositioned me for sex
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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