We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
