You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize