I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
