i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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