I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
