he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
