Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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