Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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