im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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