apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
