sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
