nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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