I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
