How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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