how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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