We're like a lot better than the average bears
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
