i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You left your phone here
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