Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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