not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
