masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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