I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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