I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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