Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
