Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
