using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
