im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
