six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
