and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
