After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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