i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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