'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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