There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
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this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
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I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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