I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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