I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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