You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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