I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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